WARNING WAFFLE ALERT!!
The postman brought me two letters yesterday…..
One from The Freeman Hospital in Newcastle and the other from The University Hospital of North Durham.
It seems the only rational way to reason the contents of the letters is by putting it down in writing and having a good old waffle to you.
The first one, from The Freeman was from the registrar that I have been speaking to in regards the Erivedge treatment. It was my copy of the letter that had been sent to both my GP and also my Plastic Surgeon. It laid out the exact chain of events that had occured with her and ended by saying I was going back in a few weeks to commence the treatment.
The second letter was from the Appointments Officer for Plastics at University Hospital of North Durham with an appointment for a pre operative assessment and a date for my next surgery.
Now thats all well and good you may think but one of the conditions of my taking the Erivedge is that I can not have surgery for 6 – 9 months. Currently, I have at least five BCC’s which are larger than I like them to be and quite frankly I want rid of them, well that is how my mind is set up to work, find a BCC have it chopped off……Brutal way to put it but that is the upshot of it.
I phoned UHND a few weeks ago and asked about likely surgical dates and I was told October so when the appointment turned up yesterday I was a little taken a back.
For all my mind was clear on where I wanted to go with the Erivedge, I now have a serious niggle at the back of my mind. Here I have the option to get rid of my current ones in a few weeks, go through Surgery and be laid up for a week or take the Medication and potentially still have to have this surgery of surgery of some kind to remove the same growths in 6 -9 months time, all the time having to go through the possible side effects that it may bring.
(I hope this is making sense to you, I am writing as I think so sometimes it is a bit gobbledegook.)
So here I am yet again in decision making land….let me make this clear…I really do not like decision making land.
What I need to do in the next couple of days is to give UHND a call and see if I can arrange a clinic appointment with my surgeon sooner rather than later.
His opinion on the matter needs to be gained but also what I need to do is realistically assess how many BCC’s I currently have. I need the full count to be able to aid any decisions. I know I have one on my back, one on my shoulder, one in my eyebrow, two small facial ones and then there is my head.
I know I have scalp ones but the only way to truly assess how many and where is by shaving the whole lot off. I keep threatening it and keep getting talked out of it, or being told it is very drastic and I agree, yes it probably is. However, I do like having a shaved head, keeping an eye on growths is so much easier, and currently, looking in the mirror trying to cover bald patches up everyday is more soul destroying than having to shave it all off. I hate the way my bald patches shine through and yes, you will still be able to see them, and yes I will have indents in my head that will look odd, which will attract stares but people who truly want to know my story will ask. The chances are very high also that if I start the Erivedge that I will lose my hair, maybe no totally but it will fall out. What would be more disturbing pulling out a handful of hair or leaving a few whiskers on your pillow?
Awwwwww I don’t know ….I hate being in limbo….it consumes me and drains me. I wish there was someone who could wave a magic wand and tell me the path I should take….alas there isn’t so I have to go on instinct….
Anyway….if you have read this….thank you…..if I have left you feeling in Limbo….sorry….there is always someone worse off than yourself and in the grand scheme of things, my issues are tiny in the woes of the world, for the most I just get on with it but this one decision has got me on the fence again…. *sigh*